The Captain Falcon Show
by Tealfrog26
Summary: Happy belated Christmas and all other holidays I have neglected. It's late....I know....but what do you expect from me?
1. Season Premiere

Boy oh boy, I made another fan fiction without even telling you guys. How surprised you must be…..oh well.

Hopefully this will hold you off until I get a creative spark and finish the chapter.

"…_."-things aid from backstage_

"…**."-things said from announcer dude**

Now to start

* * *

**The Captain Falcon Show:_ starring Captaaaaaaaaaiiiinnnn FALCOOOONNNNN!_**

Captain Falcon sat behind a table with a couch next to it. In the background, the window shows a picture of New York City, but it really isn't New York, it's just a picture of it because Captain Falcon is doing all this in his basement. Well….actually Falcon doesn't own a basement so I really don't know where he's filming this. But anywho, he's got a whole room full of an audience(the audience from Paper Mario 2 is all that would come…..they have lives to waste…) and has some cameras. He's also got what every Talk show host needs……A band! Yay for the band whose careers must suck having a gig in a talk show in a basement. Now here's the one and only…..CAPTAIN FALCON! cue the generically made clapping and occasional woots

"Hey everyone! It's me Captain Falcon!" Captain Falcon said walking out to his table/desk/thingy.

cue more generically made clapping and occasional woots

"It's good to see you too. Anyways, where am I?"

"_The talk show…." Came a voice from backstage._

"Right-o! Hey guys guess what? I got accused of Molestation Charges yesterday!

random, uncertain laughing

"Yea I know! Who would think that-?"

"_You did….he has evidence…"_

Falcon looked confused. Then said, "Well folks, it turned out I did! Yay!"

With that comment people left the audience.

"Don't worry guys, the people who left are pansies. You don't want to be pansies do you?" asked C.F.

After the audience shook they're heads bars came down over the door leading out locking everyone inside.

"Yay! The new bars have been assembled and are in working order! Isn't that great?" without letting the audience answer, C.F. moved onto the next subject, "Alright so on the show today we have the first 4 people forced off the hit show Survivor: Smash Bros., Mr. G&W, Nana, Dr. Mario, and Marth. See what they have to say about the matter. Then we'll give some news on what's going on in the world and then later on we'll be taking questions from the audience and the viewing fans at home! Hurrah! That is, if you have questions…..But first! A moment with Master Hand and Chutton the overly obese pet chicken! Guys?"

On a T.V. monitor it showed a giant chicken sitting on top of a white glove in a very small room. The hand managed to gasp out, "My…God….he's….s..sooo…..f…fat…" And he then went out cold. Then the chicken gobbled and did 15 much needed jumping jacks. On Master Hand.

"Now wasn't that informative?" Captain Falcon was saying, "Well now let's welcome the four outcasts! Mr. G&W, Nana, Dr. Mario, Marth, Come on down!"

The four came out of the backstage and comfortably sat on the couch. Then Marth took a sip of water on the coffee table. Suddenly Dr. Mario screamed out, "NOOO! Marth put it down! You might contract AIDS!"

Marth spit the water out and whipped at someone in the crowd. "MY EYES! IT BURNS!" He tried to run out but the bars prevented him causing him to run into them and fall over. He huddled into a ball and started having convulsions. Someone screamed to Falcon, "You have to do something! Open the door! He's going to die!"

Falcon responded as follows, "Nah, he'll be okay. As long as the power of Nasferatu is with him, he'll be just fine."

Dr. Mario leaped up and jumped over to the man. He checked his pulse and discovered he was dead.

Marth glared at Captain Falcon, "How could you let him die! And how were Aids in the water! How did he die? What's going on?"

Captain Falcon laughed at this, "First of all everyone, it was rat poison, not aids," everyone sighed in relief, "and second of all, I have no idea how that got in there."

Captain Falcon smiled innocently.

Everyone believed him and became happy. Yay!

"So guys, do you think it's fair that you got kicked out of Survivor without even getting a chance to compete?"

Nana spoke first, "No, it wasn't fair what Teal did. All I did was ask a simple question-"

"SILENCE CLONE!" Captain Falcon pulls a lever and Nana fell through a hole in the ground.

Dr. Mario looked confused and asked, "Now why did you do that?"

Captain Falcon pulls another lever and Dr. Mario too, fell through a hole in the floor.

"So Marth, here's a question that everyone's been asking, why wear a tiara?"

"Well, to be honest I think it's cool."

"Well you obviously thought wrong now haven't you?"

"No?"

"Indubiously."

"Huh?"

"Yup."

"What?"

And the flock of high pitched screaming fan girls broke down the wall and stampeded over Marth leaving nothing but dust in their wake. Asking me how they broke down a wall underground is beyond me. So don't ask.

The Darth Vader music starts playing from no where and Darth Vader himself walks in, slashes Mr. G&W in half and walks away.

"And that's the end of that, coming up after the break, current news!"

COMMERCIAL!

And now it's over……

**And Now back to The Captain Falcon Show! _Starring……CAPTAAAAIIIIIINNNNN FALCOOOONNNNNN!_**

"Yay I'm famous! Let's talk about the news." Captain Falcon walks over to a TV screen, "As you can see, King Bowser has successfully taken over the Mushroom Kingdom. In a related story, Gannondorf has taken over Hyrule as well. The two new kings have gotten in an argument over "your mom" jokes and have declared war against each other. Yesterday the first battle was fought as many koopas and octoroks were slaughtered. Both sides pulled back from the warfare and are now peacefully awaiting their rival's next move. In Pop Star, many waddles are getting fed up with King Dedede's tyranny and are starting riots and protests. I had a chance to talk one on one with the King myself…..

"_So King De..dede..de…..de?_

"_King Dedede," The king corrected._

"_Right, Dededede,"_

"_No, just three De's"_

"_Before or after?"_

"_Before or after what?"_

"_The mulberry bush, of course."_

_Dedede put his hand up to his face and muttered, "Moron….."_

"_Anywho! What changes have you made to Pop Star recently?" he asked._

"_Well, for example I've made every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday worship King Dedede day, Wednesdays and Saturday s are give food to the needy King Dedede day, and Fridays are days we take out 15minutes of our time to thank me for everything I've done. And Sunday s I give them the day off of work as long as they pay me 20 dollars. The twenty dollars are being used to erect a statue in my name." King Dedede looked proud of himself._

"_Is the community happy with these changes?"_

"_Pft, who cares?"_

"_Well I sure don't, I don't even know why I'm here!"_

"There you have it everyone, King Dedede himself. Now onto some questions from the audience." Falcon walks up to an audience member, "Do you have any questions?"

"Uhm….yea, can we leave now?" he shifted his eyes nervously.

"Nope!" Falcon smiled and moved onto the next person, "how about you?"

a man in a black suit and black sunglasses answered, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get down on the ground. Of what I've seen and heard today, you are a serious criminal that needs to be taken down. You have molested someone, committed homicide, and don't have a permit to film a show down here."

"What is the correct answer for this?"

"Sir, get down to the ground now."

"42?"

"Sir, what are you talking about?"

"What does this do?" Falcon pulls out the agents' gun, "hmm….."

"Sir, put that down now!"

"WEEE!"

BANG!

* * *

**We are having technical difficulties broadcasting this show, please tune in later. For the remainder of the show we will display colorful bars. Enjoy.

* * *

**

Captain Falcon ended up shooting the agent and fleeing to a new basement in which he could broadcast which will be aired next week. Luckily, the agent was a mass murderer that was impersonating an FBI agent and Falcon won 1million dollars. Then he got stripped of the money due to molestation charges, homicide, a hostage situation, and much much more.

* * *

So if you want to ask him(C.F.) a question just email me. 

1.Go to my Profile

2.click e-mail. (hint: it's in blue!)

3.type message.

or you could choose not to and make me come up with some questions...

I'm planning on trying to get all the Smashers in here sooner or later...

feel free to give me some suggestions on something to add in here. Seems a bit...small.

Fun fact: this is the first chapter I've completed in 1 day. Yay!

R&R- Your mom.

oh, what you gonna do now? what you gonna do?


	2. Back'n'Action

On starts another chapter….curse my infernal laziness, curse you!

Oh yea, I forgot the Disclaimer last time, so...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except my good friend Chutton the overly obese pet chicken. Huzzah!

Reviews….

Joeb: You're darn tootin right this is cool! maybe...and fine I'll have people on the show, and since you thought up with it, you can be first! yay! so either make me make something up, or write some stuff down either in reviews or e-mail.

Razz: You talk like a hillbilly! That ther thing ova' yonder theris right darn ova' ther. YAY!

Eternal: I couldn't agree more. Rabid monkies shall come!

* * *

**The Captain Falcon Show! a****nd now, help welcome the least favorite person in Super Smash Brothers...Captaaaaiiinnnnn Faaaaallllllcoooonnnnnnn**

Capt. Falcon comes out onto the stage. "Thank you everyone, thank you. Really though, we have a grrrreat show here tonight. Get it? I'm like Tony the Tiger! you know, grrrrreat!" the audience claps hesitantly. "Alright so on the show tonight we have person who was just recently voted out of Survivor. So if you haven't read the Survivor, I advise you to now before you read anymore! YAY! Then after that I'll talk about the news around the world. Afterwards we'll take questions from the audience. I would like to welcome the newset addition to the show, my Rabid Monkey Body guards!" two rabid monkies are chained to the wall next to the door leading out of the studio. "The people at the safety corporation said that locking the doors with metal bars were a little unsafe, so now, I've replaced them with rabid monkies." the people closest to the monkies start to back away. The monkies start hissing and growling due to the sudden movement. "So then let's start the show. But first, A moment with Master Hand and Chutton the overly obese pet chicken!"

The monitor showed Master Hand and Chutton in a rural area. People were crouding around.  
"As you can see, Captain, the people here have grown in interest with Chutton, they seem to be..." In the background Chutton is slashing it's arms wildly sending the citizens flying up into the air. "Ahh! What are you doing? Bad Chutton, BAD!" Chutton turns at Master Hand and dives on top of him. "NOOOO!"The camera man apparently dropped the camera since the screen fell down to a view of the pavement. Then static.

"Ah, Chutton, always nice seeing him. After the commercial break we'll have Fox. Woot!"

In the commercial, a sales man stands before a game called the Sims Superior.

"Hi every one. I'm here to introduce a whole new kind of gaming experience. A game where you live out the person's life, and every thing around it. Well I guess it's not really that new of a gaming experience, but still, The Sims Superior, for Y-Box, Gamestation 2, Play Cube, and PCc has over 200 outfits to choose from and not one of them looks normal, guarenteed. Also you can choose from 3 skin colors; white, mexican and black, yes thats right, koreans, chinese and japanese arn't worthy of this game. Travel to the city, the park, the beach, the mountains, but not once can you go next door to your friends house.  
The Sims Superior,  
the only time where running amuck naked is fun, and children are made from mystical flowers  
Rated M for language, extreme animated violence, blood and gore, nudity, mature sexual themes, Comic mischief, drug useage, and animal cruelty."

**And now we're back to...The Captain Falcon Show!**

Falcon was sitting behind is desk with Fox sitting on the sofa.

"So Fox, tell me, what happened on the island?"

"You should know, you voted against me!"

"Right...Anywho! I'm sure everyone's been asking, how did it feel to be inca...incapca...

_"incapacitated..."_

"Right! what he said."

"Well actually, it was quite nice. Having everyone carry me around everywhere. But what was with Aslan? god, shouldn't he be in C.S. Lewis section?"

"Congragulations Fox, I have no idea what you just said!" the applause sign lit up. Fox jumped up in the air.

"Oh goodie! what do I win?"

"A Chia Pet!"

Fox looked oddly at the chia pet that Falcon presented.

"Rocky? Rocky is that you! I can't believe I found you! After I was voted out, I couldn't go back to the camp to get you. I'm so happy to see you!"

The Chia pet turned its back to Fox.

"You're not mad are you?" The Chia pet started walking for the door, "C'mon Rocky, you can't stay mad for ever!"

The Chia pet opened the door and hopped up the stairs.

"You can't leave me here Rocky! I brought you up from a child! This is the RESPECT I GET FOR TAKING THE TIME OUT OF MY LIFE TO RAISE YOU," a photo of Fox and Rocky floated out of the doorway, "gasp! I...I don't believe this. Get back here NOW!"

and with that Fox ran up to the door but was abruptly stopped by the Rabid Monkey guards. One of them grabbed Fox and brought him up to his face. Then it spoke, _**"WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK...SO **PRETTY!"_

The Monkey ran up the stairs with Fox in his hands. As the door shut, a faint scream could be heard.

"Alrighty then folks, lets go to the news. In the constant battle against the Koopa dude and that other guy, there are sole individuals starting up a rebellion movement. I had a chance to talk with the leader myself a few days ago."

a few days ago...

_A man in a green tunic and long ears sat with Captain Falcon._

_"So, Link, Do you think that you'll be able to do something about the war?"_

_"I think with the courage and love that me and my companions have, we'll pull through."_

_"Does it worry you that those words you just said were extremely gay?"_

_"What? No it wasn't! Ask anyone!"_

_Just then a door flies open and a fish girl jumps in. _

_"LINK! YOU SAID YOU WOULD MARRY ME! YOU LYING BACKSTABBING SON OF A OCTOROK!" _

_"P...P..Princess Ruto! How did you find me! I thought my location was kept secret by my faithful fairy Navi," Link the sees Navi laying on the ground outside, "NO!"_

_The Fish woman jumps on Link and starts strangling him when a farmers slave runs in and whacks her on the head with a glass of lon lon milk._

_"Don't worry Link I'll save you!" The servant start repeatedly punching the fish women in the face. Then a small girl steps in with a flute thingy and says, "Malon no! we can solve this with the joy of music!" _

_Link screams out, "NO SARIA, NO!" But it was too late, she had already started the song. Everyone started getting strange sensations in their bodies. Before anyone knew it they were all up and dancing and prancing. Peace had been restored._

Back at the studio...

"So as you can see everyone, the song was so irrestible, I had to start dancing," the audience look uneasy, then all fainted, "Hey! You can't go to sleep at my show! Oh yea, I remember now, I released a deadly nerve agent into the air ducts! Yay!" After he said that, he fell over.

a few days later...

Captain Falcon just got up and looked around. It seemed that the audience was just getting up as well.

"Well, I guess it wasn't lethal after all! How convienant to our lives don't you agree?" Captain Falcon asked the crew.

One of the members mumbled something.

"You don't need to tell me not to do that again!"

"Actually we do, you'll forget," said one of the camera men, "You have short term memory loss remember? Why don't you write it down somewhere?"

"That's a great idea!" So Falcon picked up a peice of paper and wrote:** Do Not Release Deadly Nerve Agents In Air Ducts**

He then taped it to his visor. Then he proclaimed he was blind and ran around like a mindless idiot and fell into a vat of acid. The acid deteriorated the paper obscurring his view relieving him of the temporary blindness.

Until the acid reached his eyes. Now he started screaming out in pain until a few hours later when the acid had moved back into his brain where it still lays today. Capt. Falcon got up looking refreshed and ready to start hosting his show.

"Yay! Lets go ask the audience for any questions they might have." He walked up to a man. The man glared at him and then punched him in the face and screamed, "That's for releasing deadly chemicals into the air! My Children breathe that air, sicko!"

The man ran past the rabid monkies and up the stairs henceforth getting the monkies fired for not doing their jobs.

Capt. Falcon got up not feelin anything and asked another person.

"Yea, I wanted to know how you could be here, and in Survivor Smash Bros. at the same time."

"Well that is obvious you see..." All the walls collapsed revealing the setting of Surivor.

One person exclaimed, "How did I miss this when I was walking in?"

Another asked what was supporting the stairs and where the stairs even led to, but was interrupted by the roar of a Tank surfacing from the water. A submersable surfaced the beach too. Thensomecargo planes flew by and dropped NSA cars, CIA SUV's, and FBI hovercrafts. Some Jets flew in over head as well. The helicopter loudspeaker announced, "This is the Army! Put your hands up, you're under arrest!"

then a navy seal jumped out of the submersable, "Don't listen to them! We're the Navy Seals! We are intelligent mammels! Come into custody with us!"

"No! They're liers, Seals aren't intellingent, come with us, the Air Force!"

"No we're the CIA! We've got SUV's! How cool is that!"

An agent from the NSA shot the CIA agent in the foot, "Now you can't go with them, it would be a driving hazard! Come with the National Security Agency!"

"We're the FBI damnit! and you're coming with us! _We_ don't need to say what the letters are abbreviated for in our title!"

The Agent from NSA yelled back, "Shut up! Some people haven't even heard of us!"

The FBI agent yelled back, "and what does that tell you? No one cares about you!"

Just then, a police car somehow emerged from the ocean and a cop got out.

"What'd I miss?"

In the chaos of it all Capt. Falcon sneaked away from everyone not causing any attention to himself. Then a Seal pointed out, "Hey, HEY! He's gone!"

"Aw great, now who are we going to blame for the viral out break in Squirrel City thus leading to a bombing of the city on?"

An NSA agent picked up a small crab, "How about this guy?"

"sigh, I guess he'll have to do. Let's bring him in for questioning." said a CIA agent.

The FBI agent then shot the CIA agent in the otehr foot, "Oh no you don't! I'm getting the credit for this guy!"

And thus the fighting started again. A few miles off in a submarine a Lieutenant looked at the island, then said to his marines, "Gosh darnit, didn't I tell you that the Submarine wouldn't work! ARGH! I bet the border patrol got there faster than us!"

* * *

Wow, that was quite strange. Having about all the U.S.A's armed forces co-star in tonights episode/chapter. oh well. 

If you have any questionsyou would like to ask Captain Falcon, orwould like to appear on his showe-mail me at teal26 at If you want you canuse the ingenious "review system" and write down any compliments and or improvements to the "so-called show"Write down anything you must and remember, Capt. Falcon is not liable for any deaths that may occur during his show.

Yay! I'm Done! and this chapter only took 1 and a half days! huzzah huzzah!

Now I have to write 14 more words to get to 2050 words...just four more... And I'm DONE!

Though that was more than 14 words...

Oh well, R&WSS Read and write some stuff.


	3. Literally

Reviews: The ones who actually said something other than made up words..."hi-fricken-larious?" that one made me laugh...until i vomitted. thanks alot.

Numdenu: sure, why not

Razz: I forgot to update soon…..oops

Joeb: …..Stoped haid? I'm so offended….

Yoshizilla who Tealfrog just realized is a combination of Yoshi and Godzilla: Though I question where you get the name Peppy Ankylosaurus, and how you came up to make him, I shall have him on my show anyways.

Everyone else…..thank you.

I have a perfectly good explanation for updating later...you see, this guy called smarterchild was on instant messanger, so i said hi! then he hacked into my account, figured out where i live, hunted me down, and killed my family! so as you can see I've had a pretty busy month...

Damn Science Fair...

And Time to start the show……or chapter if you don't want to imagine….

* * *

**The Captain Falcon Show:_ starring Captaaaaaaaaaiiiinnnn FALCOOOONNNNN!_**

NBA music starts playing and Captain Falcon runs out onto stage dribbling a basketball. It's not long before he realize he has no clue on how to dribble a basketball and trips over his left feet, and falls down on the ground. He then gets showered with beef from the audience. "You Beefed man! Literally!" screamed a nameless nobody. Falcon gets up and says,

"You got that right homedawgg, literally!"

The audience member transforms into Captain Falcon's dog….But Falcon doesn't own a dog and the homedawgg spontaneously combusted.

"Oops, oh well, on to the show," Captain Falcon said sitting down at his desk, "So first off today, we'll be talking with everyone's favorite violent author joebthegreat! Then we'll have Peppy the Ankylosaurus whom Tealfrog realized has nothing to do with Peppy from star fox. After that, the news, and then questions from the audience. Hoorah! But first a moment with Master Hand and Chutton……"

The monitor was blank.

"_Chutton ate the camera man….."_

After a moment of brief silence, Capt. Falcon went back to his desk. And then the indescribable Joebthegreat came in and sat on the couch next to him.

"So, Joeb, how goes writing stories?"

Joeb looks over after just devouring a baby's soul and answers, "……They're like…..silent movies…..with sound….."

"Wow! You just confused me!"

Joeb jumps up fires a round of bullets into the crowd, screams "The British are coming, the British are coming!" and sits back down and declares victory over the noodle capital of the world. Woot!

"So anywho, I hear that you're starting…..?"

Joeb is on the ground next to a pot of plants. He stabs it with a needle and Kirby blows up. For, you see, Kirby ate a pot of plants and became one in being with the plant. Then Joeb brutally popped him for no reason at all. Kirby flew around like a popped balloon until it landed on a man's neck constricting him to death.

"Oh well he wasn't loved by anyone." Stated Capt. Falcon.

A newly made widow ran out the door in tears. Then an enrage Capt. Falcon screamed, "Where are the Rabid Monkey Guards!"

"_you fired them"_

"Oh yea…..good times, good times……So how goes SSBM: Advertisements?"

"It's pretty……bad. It emancipated from me and became its own story……how could it do something like that?" Joeb started crying….then used his tears to melt the wicked witch of the west.

"Can't say I know how that feels….or can I? No never mind, well Joeb, you've overstayed you're welcome, now leave."

"REEL BIG FISH!" says joeb, who then walked over to the door, got ambushed by Rabid Monkey guards hoping to reclaim their position as Captain Falcon's rightful door guards, and violently, yet horrifically, beat him to a bloody pulp...literally...Thus, the janitor came out and made his appearance on the show for the first time ever! Mopping the floor! The camera quickly turned back to Captain Falcon.

"And now, Peppy Ankylosaurus!"

A disconfigured, mutated, dilapidated, hunched over, four legged, yellow Yoshi walked out on the stage. People gasped in horror as to how someone could even think of doing this to a Yoshi. They must've had some kind of imagination…..

" Garglephragamay…." It said…

"Wow! You're really weird!"

Flames enlightened in Peppy's eyes. Literally.

To spare the violent rampage of Peppy Ankylosaurus, imaginary friend of Yoshizilla, I shall end saying that half the audience were killed, A rabid Monkey guard had been trampled, and Captain Falcon needed a new door installment.

"And that's the end of that!I thinkI'll read my fortune cookies for no reason in particular! Hmmm….it's says….._You too can wear a nose mitten._ My lifelong dream has suddenly been realized! Yay! To the commercial!" Screamed C.F. before being abruptly cut off!

I'll think of a one later……

**And Now back to The Captain Falcon Show! _Starring……CAPTAAAAIIIIIINNNNN FALCOOOONNNNNN!_**

"Alrighty then, on to the news. Bowser has succeeded in taking over the desert in Gerudo valley. I got a chance to speak with him a few days back..."

_a few days back..._

_the camera followed Capt. Falcon as he barged into Bowser's room._

_"Hey Bowser! How's it going?"_

_Bowser turns around and his eyes widen. _

_"What are you doing here! I thought I sent my elite Koopas to deal with you!" screamed Bowser._

_"Funny thing you mention them, you see, I found this gun, and then I squeezed the trigger and convienantly shot them all! How awesome is that?"_

_Bowser looked deeply depressed, "Why...why do you keep living?"_

_"Well I don't quite know that!"_

_Bowser sighed and said, "Please, just leave. Please leave before you miraculously kill my whole army with a bowling ball."_

_Instead of listening, C.F. was rolling bowling balls down the corridor outside. Capt. Falcon turns his head and asks, "Did you say something?"_

_"Why do you have to be here...," Bowser then raises his hands in the air, falls to his knees and screams "What did I do? WHAT DID I DO!"_

_Capt. Falcon just looks strangly at Bowser, "Uhm...so how about we answers those questions?"_

_"Oh sure why not make my life more miserable while you're at it..." Bowser falls to the ground and starts sobbing._

_"Literally? Well ok..." Capt. Falcon jumps atop the koopa and pummels him repeatedly._

"Well everyone, we had to cut the last part out because it would be inappropriate for our younger veiwers."

a shout from the audience claimed, "you kill about 5 people per episode, I highly doubt younger viewers even are supposed to watch this!"

Captain Falcon glares at him, "Don't you be dissing my show, yo!"

the man then hid behind his chair remembering anytime an audience member speaks, he usually gets killed, or tries to escape resulting in being ripped to shreds by Rabid Monkey guards.

"Oh well, you're already screwed..." Captain Falcon started, and before the audience could ask "what?" he added, "literally."

A giant screw fell down from the ceiling and impaled the man giving him much pain.

"OH MY GOD THE PAIN!"

"suck it up, it's just a giant screw."said joeb's head.

"Zip the lip," exclaimed Captain Falcon, "Literally!"

"well...ok." joeb then zipped his lip with help from the Rabid Monkey guards.

"Now that that's over with, we can go to the audience and ask some questions!"

He walked to the audience and put a microphone up to a young man, "please don't kill me."

"Ok! Anything else you'd like to say?"

"No..."

"Alright, then on to the next person." Captain Falcon cheerfully said. As he walked away, a nuclear missle landed on top of the man missing Capt. Falcon by inches. Miles away Bowser would be in his secret missile launching base falling to the ground and crying asking the great above why Falcon won't die.

"Hey, would you try commiting suicide for us?"

"Sure!"

So Falcon tied a knot of rope to the ceiling, made a noose, put it around him and jumped off the chair. Disappointingly, the rope wasn't strong enough and Falcon fell to the ground.

"Well, that didn't work...how about poison!" Captain Falcon reached for a glass of posion and drank it. sadly it was only apple juice and the audience moaned.

Then Falcon attempted slitting his throat, but that just ended in a death of another. Unfortunately, there seemed to be a mysterious power preventing Capt. Falcon from dying. which is not the authors doing...Captain Falcon then went to another person and let them ask a question.

"Yea, why don't you ever want us to leave?"

"Because then I'd be lonely...have you ever been lonely?"

"Yes, actually-"

"That's what I thought, you don't know how it feels when you're lonely...it's very...lonely..."

"I expect that it is."

"I'm sure you do. But anywho, I'd like to apologize to everyone, because the U.S. armed forces couldn't make it on the show tonight...so, I brought the MI6!"

A few spies rapel down from the ceiling and surround Capt. Falcon. One says, "You're wanted throughout America, and Great Britain, and we're taking you in."

"Never!" Captain Falcon jumped behind his desk, shot an explosive barrel sitting on the side for show, and ran up the stairs leaving everyone to incinerate...wow, this is really morbid...literally

* * *

Well joeb, I hope you're happy. You're violent ways have made me violent just by letting you on the show. Well I'm never gonna do that again... 

and I hope I portrayed Peppy well...well actually I know I didn't...but still, it was nicing having him on the show.

Man, I really killed a lot of people today...I think I'll lessen the KIA's next chapter.

And I just realized I didn't insert anything that no one knows about...maybe you could settle for the noodle capital of the world under new rule by joebthegreat...no wait, I just took it back...literally...

hey everyone! look! a period with a tail , literally!

Hmm...I've used literally a lot today...henceforth this chapter will be named literally!

And for all who don't know and/or care, new chap. of EOP updated few days back...more like a week back but i had to take it off and repost it since it went to like number 55 in a day...no one noticed it...I cried... So anywho...

If you've got any suggestions, or want you, or you're "made upcharacter" on the show, then e-mail, review, or whatever.and don't worry, I won't kill you...unless you ask to be...like joeb...poor joeb...

I need IDEAS! R&R!


	4. So Called Christmas Special?

Sorry, for the wait everyone, schools been recently evil to me, so I haven't had the time or the manpower….or the time. Though the positives are that I'm updating every one of my stories soon so have fun reading them……though there aren't a lot.

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions.

I need to start updating sooner….and when I have Christmas specials….I'll try to make it done by or before Christmas.

In spirit of the late Christmas, and the much anticipated Winter Break, This will be a Christmas Special! So…..

Hello and welcome to another

**Captain Falcon Show! _Starring Captaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn Faaaaallllcccoooonnnn!_**

The whole studio was decorated floor to roof with holiday decorations. Captain Falcon came running out on studio waving his arms getting everyone's attention. Regrettably, he tripped like the moron he was and collided into a Christmas tree. Once getting out of the tree and brushing off the needles, he sat down.

"Alright everyone, we got a great show for you here tonight, I got this cool top thingy that spins around, so I'll play with that!" The Dreidel spun around when Capt. Falcon let it loose. It span, and span, and span….and span on for an eternity. "Ok! So on the show we've got a whole bunch of new segments including, 'When Chuttons attack', When random things explode, and maybe some other things suggested by people! Afterwards we will talk with the famous Mario where the ever controversial question will be answered. Do plumbers work on Christmas? Then we'll move onto the news, and then questions from the audience. And then to top it all off, we'll listen to a very special guest sing some Christmas Carols!"

Everyone cheered in the audience. Because if they didn't…..well you know…..if you don't….then be thankful.

"Alrighty then, lets get on to, 'When Chutton's attack.'"

The monitor inside the studio changed it screen showing Tokyo city in black and white. A huge chicken came tumbling through the city crushing everything in its path. The Japanese could only scream out words in Japanese with captions underneath saying things like, 'AHH! It's Chutton-san!' or 'RUN!' or 'HOW THE HELL DID A CHICKEN GROW THAT HUGE!'

As the Giant Chutton was grinding the city to dust, Godzilla walked out of the sea and joined in on the fun. Then of course, Anguirus came in and joined the party. All three creatures pounded the city into rubble. But never fear, Tokyo will just force poor Asian children to rebuild the city again!

Godzilla, after seeing the sight of Anguirus, for reasons unknown, started beating up poor Anguirus. Godzilla pushed him out of the ground and jammed its fist into the stomach of the beast and pulled out two white circular spheres…notice I didn't say balls.

No really though, that's what happened in one of the Godzilla movies….it scared me.

So anyways, then Chutton body slammed Godzilla flattening him down to a pancake. A blueberry pancake.

And that's the end for when Chuttons attack.

"That Chutton….what a great guy. So, now lets move onto when random things explode!" Capt. Falcon place an atomic bomb on the table. "So lets see….where's the button for this thing…"

Everyone got up and tried escaping but, in the spirit of Christmas, the Rabid Monkey guards peacefully pushed them back to their seats.

"Haha! April Fools! I'm just kidding; I wouldn't blow up an atomic bomb here. But maybe I should try blowing up this nuclear bomb…."

And then once again, everyone in the audience did the same procedure and then were pushed back down.

"Ha ha, just kidding again. I'm actually going to blow up this Twinkie. So here I go….."

Capt. Falcon places a C4 explosive on the Twinkie throws it in the audience, then presses the detonator and all goes boom.

"Yay! So now everyone, let's welcome Mario to the show!"

Mario came wobbling out, tripped over his fat, and sat down.

"So Mario, How was you're Christmas?"

"I-a had to fix-a up-a some toilets."

"So plumbers do work on Christmas?"

"No, I-a just took a really big-a dump-a….It-a didn't fit down the toilet."

"I'm sure it didn't. How's your brother Luigi?"

"He's-a still on the island. I hope he wins-a the money."

"Well it's good to see someone rooting for someone."

"Actually, I need the million to pay off a mafia boss, or else he'll kill me."

"That's nice. It was nice having you on, but now, let's see if Mario can sink or float! With an anvil tied to him!"

"What's-a going on now?"

The Rabid Monkey guards picked up Mario, tied an anvil to him, dropped him in a tank of water, watched him drown, then Capt. Falcon got sued by David Letterman.

"Because Christmas was yesterday, I won't have any commercials. Yay! So now we move onto the news. Due to the decrease of Bowser's army by rolling bowling balls, Gannondorf has been able to take back Gerudo Valley. I got a chance to speak with him……

"_So Gannondorf, how does it feel to have your homeland back?"_

_Capt. Falcon was interviewing Gannondorf in his room. Though the only thing the room included was an organ paced in the center of the room. There were also a few pictures hung about the room for decoration._

"_Good, good."_

"_I see you've hung up some pictures of giant diabolical pigs….."_

"_Ah yes, that was me in my younger days. I was a real lard, but thanks to Jenny Craig, I lost pounds and looked like a warlock!"_

"_I see…and this button is?"_

"_Oh, that's the blow up the castle button…"_

"_Why, may I ask, do you have one?"_

"_Good question, you see, if I'm ever feeling very diabolical, I press it, and my stress goes away. Along with my castle."_

"_I see…." Capt. Falcon's hands slowly lingered over the button._

"_What are you…..?"_

_Capt. Falcon smashed his hand down on the button, and once again in this chapter, all went explode!_

_So now Capt. Falcon has made 2 enemies….._

"It was really nice talking with Gannondorf," Said Capt. Falcon, back in the studio, "Now we'll take questions from the audience. How about you?" Falcon walked over to a brown bear in the audience wearing a blue backpack.

"Yea, have you seen a red bird? Sorta arrogant and cocky?"

"No, I haven't. Why not check the lost and found?"

"Good idea." The bear walked off to the lost and found and was screaming 'Kazooie'.

"Well, I sure hope he finds his Kazoo…..you have a question sir?"

"Yea, why did you call this a Christmas special? You didn't do anything Christmas related at all."

"Hm…you're right….have a fruit cake and stand under that mistletoe and wait for an elf to direct you to the north pole to meet Santa and claim your presents. I think that just about covers what Christmas is all about."

Then, a child holing a blue blanket walked in.

"No, Capt. Falcon, the true meaning of Christmas is-"

"No one asked you!" Capt. Falcon then shot the boy with a banana.

"Well, that's it for questions, so now let's move onto our special guest singer…..Please welcome…..Peppy the Ankylosaurus."

The strange looking Ankylosaurus walked to center stage with a spotlight on him. He opened his mouth to sing and……out came the Ghostbusters theme.

Everyone listened tranquilly as the four legged Yoshi sang the most beautiful rendition of the Ghostbusters theme anyone had ever heard. People even cried at the sound of the magnificence. Some lighters started being waved up in the air by some audience members. Even the rabid monkey guards were hugging each other.

Then Peppy finished and was showered with roses even if he didn't sing the carols the people were promised. He thanked everyone and departed the stage.

A few minutes later in a lost and found far far away…..

"No really, it is Gruntilda behind you!" yelled a red bird to a mole with glasses.

"I'm not going to be fooled by that one again." The mole said.

"No really!"

"Last time you said that, you stole my money while I ran outside!"

"No, that was the time before the last time when you got killed, remember?"

"Oh yea….good times….."

"So are you gonna leave or what four eyes?"

"No, I'm quite full from my wife's scones."

"Suit yourself moron." And so as the red bird ran outside, Gruntilda ran in zapped the mole to death and ate some left over scones.

Another few minutes away in a castle far far away, Bowser sits down on his couch which held a 'blow up the castle woopie cushion' That last thing he heard was a genetic fart and the explosion of his demise.

* * *

And now I'm done. 

Ah, Banjo and Kazooie...I must say the game was one of the best for Nintendo 64. It sits up there with Paper Mario, The Ocarina of Time, and 007 Goldeneye.

Well, I mean the second was good...I didn't care much for the first one.

At the end of Banjo Tooie was the first time I realized the Tooie was meaing two as in the second game...You see they said, "wait for Banjo Threeie!"

though it never did come out. at least not to my knowledge...

Like always, R&R and give me some suggestions. If you wanna be in it or sumthing along those lines, either e-mail me, or take advantage of the forums and post it in mine.

Hope you all had a good Christmas/Hanakha/Kwanza/and or Bowing Day.


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